


Thorned Heart

by elvanshalee



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Hanahaki Disease, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mention of blood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-01
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-09-05 02:34:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16801966
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elvanshalee/pseuds/elvanshalee
Summary: Since the Asgardians and Bruce came on Earth, everything have been going pretty well in Tony's life. Of course he is in love with Loki but that's not a problem. They are close friends and they spend time together, that's enough. Everything is alright and this little cough he has been carrying for days is normal. The petals that come out of his mouth though? That's definitely strange.





	Thorned Heart

-Are you sure you’re alright? 

Tony had heard those words a few times in his life already, and almost each time he was lying when he answered. 

-Of course. Everything’s okay. 

The look on Bruce’s face let him know he was unconvinced. Tony had been coughing for a week now and it was getting worse every day. He felt like something was in his chest. A feeling he knew way too well and thought he would be rid of now that the reactor was removed. But no, life seemed to love screwing him over and now even breathing was getting painful. 

-It will pass, probably just a bad cold, you know my lungs are sensitive. 

Bruce still seemed doubtful and was going to make a comment but was interrupted by another fit of coughing, worse than the one before. This time, something seemed to make its way out of Tony’s throat and after a minute a flower petal got out of his mouth into his hand. Tony and Bruce both stared at it. 

-That’s definitely not normal.  
Bruce stated and Tony gave him a look. 

-Thanks for stating the obvious Brucey. 

Bruce didn’t answer and just looked more concerned than before. 

-Maybe you caught some alien disease that someone carried? You should let me examine you, you can’t go on like that. 

Tony tried to take a deep breath but it only made the pain worse, whatever was in his chest wasn’t gone yet. He coughed again, and again and more petals flew out of his mouth and each time stayed painful. He finally looked at Bruce and nodded. 

-Yeah, I think I can’t avoid that. 

A few exams later, Bruce was staring at the X-rays. 

-That makes no sense. 

Tony was looking at the same image. 

-Is that really a flower in my lungs? 

-It looks like it. I have never seen or heard of that before. Maybe it really is some kind of alien disease, something me or one of the others may have caught while in space. The Hulk makes it pretty hard to be sick but I can still carry the viruses, we should have been more cautious when coming back. 

Tony was still staring at the picture, in complete shock, speechless for once in his life. 

-We should talk to Thor and Valkyrie, maybe they know about it. And Loki should be back from wherever he is soon so he might be able to help too. 

Tony hoped so, Thor and Valkyrie were good friends and perfect warriors but when it came to knowledge, he knew he could trust Loki more than anyone else. If even he didn’t know what was happening, Tony was screwed. 

They got out of the workshop and found Thor in the kitchen. He greeted them with a smile. 

-Thor, I’ve never seen any of you be sick but do you know if it is possible for you to carry illnesses? 

Thor nodded. 

-I think it is possible. Why? Do any of you suffer from something strange. 

Tony let out a weird laugh. 

-Strange isn’t strong enough. I have flowers in my lungs. What kind of virus could do that?

Thor’s face shifted from concern to something resembling grief. 

-Flowers? You have been… coughing petals?

-Yes, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me… 

-I have heard of this disease although I have never seen anyone having it. It is… it is said to only grow in people who are in love, unrequited love. 

Tony’s eyes widened and he stared at Thor. 

-But you’ve only heard of it right? So that might be a legend? 

Thor shook his head. 

-No, I know it’s a true illness, not a mere story. 

Tony sighed and coughed a few petals again. 

-Great. Then you know how to get rid of it. 

-Either the person you have feelings for returns your love or you can have a surgery to remove the flowers. But the last option makes you unable to love again, usually just romantically but sometimes it extends to platonic love too, even friendship in the worst cases I have heard of. And I don’t think it has ever been performed on a mortal so I don’t even know if it’s really possible. 

Tony stayed silent and sat down, ignoring the world around him for a while. He couldn’t have the surgery, not only would it be too dangerous with the damage the reactor had already caused on his lungs before he had removed it but he didn’t want to get rid of all love. He needed them, wouldn’t feel human without it. People already thought that he had no heart, he didn’t want to give them a reason to be right. But he knew too well that Loki wouldn’t return his feelings, why would he want to be tied to a mortal? 

-And if neither of these options are possible? 

Thor didn’t answer immediately and Tony knew something bad was coming. 

-The most time someone has lived with the illness was six months. 

-Good thing I already wrote my will in case something happened on a mission then. 

Neither Bruce not Thor seemed to appreciate his dark humor but he needed it. The situation didn’t make sense. Of all the things that could have killed him, it would be his love for Loki? That was just cruel. 

-My brother may know more about it than I do. He should be back tomorrow, we can ask him if there’s anything else we might try. 

Tony immediately shook his head. 

-No. No don’t tell him about it. Don’t tell anyone. I don’t want more people to worry. 

Bruce frowned. 

-Don’t you think people deserve to know? Loki, Pepper, Rhodey, Peter. They all care about you. 

-I know and that’s why they can’t know. They will worry, they will push me to have the surgery. They won’t understand. I can’t lose these feelings Brucey, it took me so long to have all these friends and I can’t just lose them like that.  
Tony then noticed that Bruce’s skin was starting to have a slight green tint. 

-You mean you’d rather die? 

Tony couldn’t look at him in the eyes but he nodded. Bruce took a deep breath. 

-I.. I understand. But I need some time alone now. I’ll be here for you Tony just… give me some time. 

Tony looked at him again. 

-Of course.

Then Bruce fled from the room and he was alone with Thor who was frowning. 

-My brother won’t like not being told. He lives with you, the coughing will get worse. He will be aware of what’s happening at some point. 

-I know. I will tell him. But not yet. 

Thor didn't seem to approve but he didn't say anything to dissuade Tony. 

-I see. Tell me if you need any support. I will do everything I can. 

-Thank you Thor, it means a lot. 

Then Thor left the room to and Tony stayed alone for a while, thinking about what he was going to do. He didn't even know exactly how much time he had left. He was really glad that Pepper already knew what to do with Stark industries and any technology he had been working on. Thinking about it made him depressed though so he got up and went to the lab, drowning himself in work like he hadn't done since a few months ago. But this time, all the work in the world couln't distract him from his sickness. Every time he managed to forget about it, his lungs would start to burn and some petals would come out of his mouth. If it got worse, it would be quite hard to hide it. But he had to try, nobody else could know about it and despite what he had said to Thor he had absolutely no intention of letting Loki be aware of what was happening. Because Loki was smart, he would try to guess who made Tony feel like that and then he would find out. But he may feel guilty then and that was the last thing Tony wanted. It wasn't Loki's fault that he had been stupid enough to fall in love with him. But even worse, Loki could just... not care about Tony's death or be mildly bothered by it.  
Tony knew that Loki cared, that he wouldn't be indifferent to his fate. But some part of him couldn't help but doubt. He knew it was selfish but he didn't want this part being proven right. He couldn't handle losing someone else again, so soon after he lost half of his team. Now, he had to find out how to hide it from Loki. Thor was right, his brother was smart, he would guess quickly if he showed any sign of weakness. So there was two options, either he started to avoid the god as much as he could or he swallowed back every single petal no matter what. He quickly decided that the second option was better, he wanted to spend the time he had left with Loki, even if the god didn't realize it was their last weeks together. So he would have to hide the pain and the signs. He had done it before, quite successfully. If he had been able to avoid Pepper and Rhodey's suspicions when he had been dying from palladium poisoning, then he could make sure Loki would never find out what was happening before it was too late. 

He started to cough once more, this time more petals flew out and he let out a sigh. Friday's voice sounded concerned when she asked.  
-Sir? It has been one hour since you've sat down and stared. Did you want me to save this project and close it? 

Tony sighed. 

-Yeah Fri, do that. I need some sleep. 

He was leaving his workshop when he saw Loki in the elevator. 

-Hello Tony. Were you about to leave? I have brought something from my last trip that you might enjoy. But I can give it to you later if you want. 

Tony shook his head and smiled.  
-No, it's okay. I was going to leave but I can stay some more time. So, what did you bring for me? 

This had been happening more. Whenever Loki went away, he would come back with something for Tony, samples of metals, new technologies, books that he might find interesting. Tony always loved those gifts. Loki made something appear on his desk and Tony's eyes widened. A flower. That was ironic. 

-Bringing me flowers Lokes? 

The god rolled his eyes but smiled. 

-It is not just any flower. It is capable of surviving in any environment, the hotest and the coldest. It regenerates quickly when cut. I know biology isn't your preferred domain of studies but I thought you might still enjoy it. 

Tony just stared at the flower. The petals looked awfully like the ones that came out of his lungs. 

-If you don't like it, I can keep it. 

Loki frowned, taking Tony's silence for disapproval. 

-No! No thank you Loki. It's very thoughtful of you. I like it a lot. 

Loki immediately relaxed. 

-Good. I probably won't be gone again for a while so I hope this will last a while. 

Tony was glad to hear that and stressed at the same time. This meant Loki would hopefully be here with him until the end but at the same time it would be much harder to hide it with the god always present in the tower. Especially if Thor or Bruce decided to talk. But he would worry about that later, right now he would just enjoy the time he had. 

The next day, Tony called Pepper then Rhodey, just to talk with them for a while. He knew he probably had at least a few weeks left but he needed them to make sure he had talked with them at least once. They were a little surprised but didn't ask too many questions. He then spent the afternoon in the lab with Loki, studying the flowers. At first he had thought everything was going well, his lungs didn’t hurt too much in the morning but as much as he enjoyed Loki’s company, the afternoon had been hell. He had spent the entire time swallowing the petals or trying to throw them away discretely. Of course Loki had noticed he was coughing quite a lot but he had brushed it off as having a cold. At the end of the day, Loki didn’t seem convinced at all and Tony knew he couldn’t last long hiding it. So he only had one other option no matter how much it broke his heart. He had to keep some distance with Loki. He would do it. 

Or at least he tried. It wasn't easy when Loki lived in the same place and had lost the habit to ask before coming into the lab long ago. So Tony didn't have any warning before Loki was by his side and he couldn't bring himself to ask him to leave. So he endured the pain each time but he knew it couldn't last, especially when Bruce and Thor kept giving him worried looks each time he coughed. And after one week even Loki seemed to be concerned. 

-This problem of yours still haven't stopped, I know our work is fascinating but maybe you should take some time to rest. 

Tony shook his head and smiled, the same smile he had in front of the press even though Loki could see right through him. 

-I'm perfectly fine. When have I let a little virus like that stop me from working? You should all stop worrying. 

Loki looked at him some more and Tony felt uneasy. After some time Loki looked away and focused on the project they were working on again. 

-Let me know when you feel like telling me the truth. You know I will figure it out sooner than later right? 

Tony shrugged. 

-I don't know what you are talking about. 

-You have been acting differently these days. We spend even more time in the lab than usual and you never try to see me out of it. You have been acting weirdly since I've been back and I don't understand why yet. Does it have something to do with the fact that you're coughing?

Tony let out a sigh but was interrupting by more petals trying to get out of his lungs. He coughed and coughed but tried to keep them inside. Loki was too close from the truth. So he did the only thing he could think about, he fled. 

-You know what? You're right. I should go rest, I'm sure I'll feel better in no time. I just need some sleep and... some time alone. Please ask the others to not bother me either. 

He didn't give Loki time to answer and he left the room to get into his bedroom. 

-Friday, make sure nobody gets inside this room.

He knew it wouldn't stop Loki from appearing in or Thor from breaking the door but if they respected his wishes, he would be alone.  
So he locked himself in the bathroom and stopped fighting against the urge to let the petals out. The last thing to come out was a full flower. The same one Loki had brought him. Now he had questions. 

-Friday, the plan have changed. Can you ask Thor to come in please? Don't let anyone else in. 

-Thor will be here in a minute. 

True to her words, Thor knocked at the door almost immediately after being called. Tony let him in. 

-Hey, I have a question for you. Is the type of flower always the same? 

Thor frowned. 

-No, it is a flower who has meaning for either you or the person you love. 

His eyes stopped on the flower Tony was still holding. 

-This... this is what is inside you? 

-Yeah, that's weird, isn't it. 

Thor stared at Tony for a few seconds. 

-These flowers were in my mother's gardens. Loki have always been fond of this place. Tony... is that why you didn't want to tell my brother about what's happening? He's the one who you love? 

Tony swore. He shouldn't have let his curiosity win, he should have stayed alone. 

-You can't tell him Thor. I can't do that to him. 

-But my brother cares about you. He will be hurt by your death, even more so if he doesn't know it's coming. 

-But I can't make him love me! At least like that he won't have to pretend. 

Thor shook his head. 

-It should be his decision. You shouldn't take that from him. You are his friend Tony, one of the only ones he ever considered himself close to. If you gave him time, I'm sure he would return your feelings. 

-But I don't have time! That's the whole point! 

Thor sighed. 

-You are right in a way. Rejection from the loved one is said to accelerate the growth of the flower. It could cost you days or even weeks. But at least consider telling him you're ill even if you don't admit he's the cause of it. 

-He isn't the cause of it Thor! It's all my fault. Don't you dare but the blame on him! 

Tony clenched his fists and was about to ask him to leave. 

-I know he isn't to blame, that's not what I meant. 

Tony looked down. 

-I know. I'm sorry. This whole situation is upsetting. 

-It is for us too, I hope you know that. You may be a dear friend to Loki but you are one to me too. And to Bruce. We lost many people already but I will never get used to it.

-I'm sorry Thor. I really am. I wish I could do something. Now... I'm exhausted,

\- I will leave you then. Call me if you need anything, me and Bruce will be there for you. 

He left the room and Tony went to bed, trying to fall asleep. He could barely sleep all night, his few moments of rest interrupted by coughing fits.  
He spent a week in his bedroom, Bruce and Thor took turn bringing him meals but as days passed, he couldn't even eat, the pain was getting too much. He kept wishing for more time but as more and more flowers grew inside him, he couldn't help but hope his pain would stop soon. But most of all, he missed Loki. He missed their conversations late at night when neither of them could sleep, he missed their talks about science and magic and how the two could interact, he missed their banter when they ate together and the pranks they played on anyone in the tower. He missed the god's smile, the one that had made him realized he had fallen in love the first time he had saw him. But now blood coated the flower petals, there was no way he could let Loki see him like that. 

Bruce begged him to consider having the surgery and Tony almost accepted when faced with his friend's pain. But he couldn't bring himself to do it. Losing his feelings for Loki was like losing a part of himself. He didn't want to live with a missing part. He would die soon, he had accepted it. 

But of course nothing ever went according to plan in Tony's life. So when one day Loki appeared in his bedroom, he wasn't even that surprised. He wanted to talk but Loki interrupted him. 

-Thor told me. Hanahaki. Why didn't you tell me? I thought we were friends? I could have helped! I could have tried to relieve the pain if nothing else! I could have tried to remove he flower even if that meant you'd lose your love! I can still try. Or I can find the person you love and bring them here. Make them see the pain they caused you! But no! You decided I shouldn't know the truth, that I wasn't worth your trust. 

Tony had never seen Loki in such a state. His face was torn by pain and rage, his fists clenched tight like he was about to fight. But the worse part was the tears in Loki's eyes. At least Thor hadn't told him everything. 

-I'm sorry Loki. I really am. I didn't want you to worry. 

-You what? You thought I wouldn't worry when you refused to see me for more than a week while the others were allowed to get in? You thought I wouldn't worry when I saw them getting sadder as the days went by? 

He was going to continue his rant but flowers started to come out of Tony's mouth again, so soaked in blood that they were unrecognizable. He immediately sat on the edge of Tony's bed and put a hand on his chest, green magic getting under his skin. Tony immediately felt the pain dimming even though he could barely breathe. He had a few hours left, not much more.

-Thank you. 

-At least tell me who it is. You owe me the truth. Maybe I can bring them here. If they see you, how could they refuse you? How could anyone reject you? Please tell me. I can't lose y... someone again. I can't... 

-Loki... 

-Please Tony! We don't have a lot of time. Tell me now! 

Tony tried to grasp enough air to finish a sentence. 

-No. Loki you can't do anything, please don't feel like you... 

Others flowers, still as bloodied as the previous ones. 

-No! Tony please! 

Loki grabbed his hand. 

-I know you don't want that from me but I love you. I can't lose you. I can't... 

Tony's eyes widened in shock. 

-You... you what? No. It's not possible. 

Loki’s face softened. 

-Yes it is Tony. You’re a wonderful man. 

-But… Hanahaki, it has to be unrequited. 

-You have to think it’s unrequited, Thor explained that didn’t he?

Tony shook his head. 

-No. No he didn’t. I thought… I thought it was proof that you didn’t love me back. 

Loki took a few seconds to understand Tony’s words and he grabbed him to make him sit down before kissing him. Tony couldn’t believe this was really happening. Surely he was just hallucinating in his last moments. But Loki’s lips on him felt real so he kissed back as well as he could. When they pulled apart, Loki’s eyes met his. 

-Please tell me it’s not too late. 

At this moment, Tony felt something in his throat again, bigger than anything before and the pain almost made him faint. Was it really too late? Was he going to lose Loki just after their first kiss? But after he spat the last flower on the sheets, he felt his lungs fill with air again, nothing stopping his breathing. The flower was covered in thorns was bigger than all the others. 

-I think… I think it’s done. I’m okay Loki. 

Tony smiled brightly and Loki pulled him close and kissed him again. This time, Tony let himself get lost in the kiss, not thinking about anything else than ‘finally’. When they pulled apart again Tony stayed close to Loki who didn’t seem to want to hold him less tightly. 

-I should go see Bruce and Thor, letting them wait would be mean. And maybe next time we kiss it will be when my mouth doesn’t taste like blood and flowers. 

Loki grinned. 

-I can’t promise that. 

And he kissed him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading this, I hope you enjoyed it! If you liked it I'd love to read your comments and if you didn't, I'd like to know why.


End file.
